Every woman........

deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it, holds her tight like he never wants to let go, doesn't cheat, wipes her tears when she cries, doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends know how he really feels about her, and lets her know how much he really loves her.

 Every man deserves pretty much this to....

smile, because......I want to see...

the most beautiful smile you own is the one that reaches your eyes, it's just gorgeous

Day 41 - Whatever tickles your fancy

Well....it's fortunate that there is no set subject for todays blog as I just want to have a right good rant.....I am pretty narked, it doesn't happen very often, I'm probably being overly dramatic, or overly something else that my annoyed brain can't think of right now, but I have to say I am quite annoyed.
Why I was so chuffed to be back speaking to "bud" the other week is beyond me, she's more hassle than it's worth. Chatting was great until she decides, oo I think I'll have a party on the 17th of sept, a pre wedding party and maybe tattooing. Nice idea, but I am going to the burlesque show, this has been decided since june, so I said I was dreadfully sorry, but I couldn't make it, and neither would Ria and Dave, but she would be welcome, with Chris, to join us, as there would be a whole bunch of us going, more the merrier and all that.
I knew, just knew as soon as I hit the send button that she would be narked, and I was sooo right. I get
'well if everyones gonna be going to burlesque, I'll just cancel, theres no point'.
NO thanks for the invite, which would have been polite....AND, we aren't her only friends, the fact that she never bloody speaks to us is proof of that, she's not a total hermit, can't she invite other friends?? And, her flipping facebook statuses do my nut in, all this 'I know who my real friends are, I know to never let someone get close to me apart from family, all the people I ever trusted let me down' crap. I can't be doing with it. Bloody attention seeking child. I used to be there for her, I used to sit up all night with her and comfort her, even when I thought she was in the wrong, and do everything that a best friend does. I'm not even invited to her wedding. So stuff her, she can go play 'woe is me' with more tolerable people, my patience with her has finally been extinguished, its been over two years coming, I'm finally done. I'm not being blamed for your relationship problems anymore, not being held responsible for you loosing touch with everyone, and not interested in whether you have been crying over something I have no control over. At one time I'dve done all that gladly because that's what I did. I don't have the energy to do it for you anymore, I need to be at least acknowledged if not appreciated.
That is all
I will prob delete this in a few days when I read it and decide what an idiot I sound, but I need to vent.
I wish it was at least a good vent.....

oh, and I almost forgot, you can't fooking spell, does my head in

Day 40 - A letter to someone deceased person you wish you could talk to

Hello Nana,
My god do I miss you.
Even though I have been in your house so many times since you have passed I still can't believe you have gone, I can just imagine that you are sat on the computer all quiet playing a game while we chat in the lounge, like we did. I know life moves on, but its heartbreaking for me watching your house change, that house was built for you, it pretty much grew around you, the whole family grew around you. It's different now...
Sometimes I can see that almost laugh expression that you made, and my stomach lurches and I feel sick, I will never see that again, it still reduces me to tears. It's funny how that is the main way I remember you, I guess it's a cheerful memory, it was always an expression you pulled when you had said some something cheeky, it was great, I think I have even started to mimic you, I catch myself doing it every now and then.
I don't believe in God, or heaven, or any kind of afterlife, but I like to think that you could see us, at least in the weeks just after you passed, sitting round the coffin telling stories, just like we did with grandad. You looked so peaceful, but so small, so so small. At least we filled your coffin with lots of things, I can imagine you were heavy to carry on the day, not because of you, but because of everything we sent you away with. Even a little bit of me went with you, and mum, so a little bit of us will be with you always. I have my little bit of you with me, I keep it safe, I always will. I have one of your pinnys by the way, and one of your dresses, I will wear it one day, I just wish you could see me in it, and I hope I do it justice.
Jasper is doing fine, he lives with Steven now, we decided it was best, as there he would get the most love and attention, he even has a rabbit to play with. Graham wanted to take him, but sat in the shop all day would be no life for him, and at the time mum just didn't think she could give him the attention he deserved. She has her own dog now, Jackson, he's a jackadoodle, cute as anything, stupid bundle of bumbling curly fur. Oh and she's having to have a hysterectomy by the way, I'm not sure whether you knew, I think she hid her problems once we knew you had cancer.
I feel like theres so much I need to tell you, you've only been gone since march, I have graduated, not greatly, but with honours. I have a job, and a new boyfriend (one that doesn't faff, you'd like him much more I'm sure). I keep myself fit, and my nails clean, I take so much more pride in myself lately. I've done a ton more drawings that I can't show you, and a bunch of fab things at the zoo.
Mainly I just want to tell you I love you, It was the last thing I ever said to you before you died, I know you knew I was there, you saw me for a brief moment, I burst into tears on my way out your room, as I knew that was the last time I'd see you alive, my words broke as I said them, but I know you heard me. I do love you Nana, a massive hole has been left in the family now. I wish you were here. I know life goes on, but it will never be the same.
Emer
xxxxxxxx

today.....

I figured something.....I don't think I have ever been both this confident and this happy in my life. I have a fab man, fab friends and family, fab jobs, a fab figure(if I do say so myself), fab hair, and fab clothes. Everything isn't perfect, things are hard, I get crap money, but despite that it's bloody darn good. I hope things stay this way for a long time. It's not often I can remember being truly happy.

exactly.....

Day 39: zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality

I'm a sagittarian, the archer, and is commonly depicted as a centaur with a bow and arrow.

Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humoured
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical

Thats what it says for a typical sagittarian. That is me to a t really. However it says on the bad side:

Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless

I think I do possess some of these qualities, I dont think I'm particularly tactless, irresponsible or superficial though really. Reading through here what it says about how I should be according to my starsign, I agree on alot of aspects, although, I am not at all religious, in regards to me, that part is tosh.

Bucket List

This won't be complete now, I will probably add to it as I think of them......

1. Fall hopelessly in love
2. Swim with sharks
3. Hold a spider (a big hairy one)
4. Learn to drive
5. Own a classic car
6. Parachute jump
7. Bungee jump
8. Go somewhere naked
9. Go on holiday with no luggage
10. Get something I have written published
11. Perform/dance on a stage
12. Jump off a cliff/ cliff dive
13. Own a house
14. Dance in the rain...with someone I love
15. Sleep under the stars
16. Experience the rainforest
17. Go on safari
18. Ride a camel
19. Run into the sea on a cold day, naked (somewhere nice)
20. Make love in the rain
21. Change someones life
22. Water ski
23. Go deep sea diving
24. Go rock climbing
25. Milk a cow
26. Go bareback horse riding, along the beach
27. See a tornado
28. Experience an earthquake
29. Climb a huge tree
30. Surf
31. Go on holiday with someone I love
32. Walk(strut) down a catwalk
33. Drive in an open top car fast down a highway in america
34. Just drop everything and go on holiday that day
35. Send a love letter
36. Ride an elephant
37. Drive off road at night
38. Learn another language
39. Go to a festival
40. Climb a mountain
41. Gamble in a casino
42. See niagara falls
43. Ride a gondola in venice
44. Eat snails in france
45. Eat lobster
46. Hunt my own food
48. Participate in another county's festival
49. Fly a plane
50. Fly in a helicopter
51. Get lost in foreign country
52. Have champaigne for breakfast
53. Learn a musical instrument
54. Go into a wedding dress shop, try on loads of dresses, then tell the assistant I'm not getting married
55. Learn to bake bread

daily ramblings

It's great to be speaking to my bud again, its been a while, I'm hoping we can put the whatever, whenever, however behind us and just be mates again. It will always bug me not knowing, but life moves on, and I'd rather be friends than bear a grudge.
Today has been a hectic day, but mustnt grumble, I have a job, some wonderful people in my life, feeling good about myself and a roof over my head, so all the days trials are really nothing important in the grand scheme of things. Although, I have two paper stiches on my left arm that are a) ugly and b) stuck on really frigging well, and I don't wanna pull them off. I'm such a wet at times, I know this.
I'm having another curly hair day and I love it, feel like marilyn monroe, haha, but she had a much better figure, and probably dress sense.
oooo, I need to text Misty Moo, I have just ignored her texts today, how incredibly rude of me. best get to it.
Mucho love till tomorrow xx

Day 38 - A photo of your parents

Well, this is one of the few times I have seen my parents together recently. My parents got divorced I think less than a year after they got married, well, maybe within two years, I have no idea whether I was born when they were still together or not, I guess I should ask someday. Anyway, this is my graduation (obviously, I dont wear stupid hats like that for no reason, notice how I didn't include the gown in that sentence, I'd quite happily prance around in a gown and pretend I was at Hogwarts) which was the 6th of July, a very proud day for my mum, as I am the only child that will do that, I think my dad wasn't arsed to be fair. I have asked him repeatedly to buy me some whimsical miaow boots to congratulate me, he kinda said he would, not heard anything since, and I need some, my life depends on it, haha. My dad is 17years older than my mum, and dyes his hair a gingery blonde like every two weeks, oh and he can fix pretty much everything, so on the rare occassion (yes I can fix things too) I can't fix it myself, I have superdad to turn to :). My mum is.....well she's my mum, pretty cool, an older, brunette version of me.
So now that that's done, I will digress. My arm kills, I thought I was ok, but the anaesthetic is wearing off, and good grief does it sting. I had my implanon taken out today, which is a two inch long piece of plastic implated under the skin that stops you having babies. I am a big wuss at times and have just lived with having it since I was about 16 because I was too scared of having it removed. Well I had to have a big injection done at the gum clinic today so thought I may aswel get them to take it out. I now have an achy bum cheek and a big bandage on my arm. Seems really wierd that when I take it off that the plastic thing will be gone, I used to mess with it all the time. Oh and I have to go for my first ever smear this week, not looking forward to it, oh the joys of being a woman. I feel like I have been super busy today, I nipped to matalan and bought some new underwears, nipped to steals to get some cheap tops for work, as I own barely any black stuff. My wardrobe used to consist of everything black, now I am much slimmer, its all about colour. And then spent an age in the gum clinic, I even had to do a wee in cup, to check for chlamydia, I had to go to the loo twice, apparantly weeing in a cup makes me nervous, so I couldn't go, ha. ooooooooo and I almost forgot, I sent an email off to Laderma saying that I will take their app on the 8th of nov if still available. I am SOOO excited, I know I'm never going to have an attractive stomach, but I know it will be better than the horrible sight it is now, and hell, if my scar gets me down, I'll just get a lovely tattoo over it in two years. Woo