Hmmm, who should I write this to, I've already written to one in an earlier post, I have something I would like to say to most of them really, like I'd like ask Andy why he neglected to let me know that he had no intention of returning from New Zealand and why he just stopped emailing me back. I'd like to know who the hell the other Andy thinks he was not only doing all the other evil things mentioned in the previous post, but also cheating on me and leaving me with a massive debt, and I'd like to know why Kyle is still pumping himself full of drugs which are no doubt gonna kill him sooner or later. But anyway, because of today, I think I'd really like to write to Darryll. So....
Dear Darryll
It was actually good chatting to you today, I appreciated that you came round and didn't start just putting me down, or making me feel bad like you did so many times in the last few months. I am sorry that I have moved on faster than you, not because I'm not happy, because I am, but I just don't want you to think that I didn't consider you to be important to me, you took two years of my life, I will always care for you, and you will always be important in some way, and I saw your eyes when we spoke, I know you still have feelings for me, if not still love me. I hold no bitterness anymore, I know you regret what you did, as do I, for as much as I knew I wasn't happy anymore, I shouldn'tve handled it the way I did, but I did the only way I felt I could, and I'm sorry. I have to say though, I never lied to you, even if I didn't tell you everything. I know you noticed that I stopped saying 'I love you'. That's because I stopped meaning it, I couldn't say it just to try and make things easy, that would have been unfair on both of us, I hated myself everytime you said it and I simply answered with 'I know', or 'yes'. Nothing you ever did could hurt me more than that. But at least I was true to myself.
You looked good, you had obviously made more of an effort that I think I had ever seen in the time together, I could tell you were taking better care of yourself, and I don't know whether it was for my benefit or not, but I could tell you'd made more of an effort in what you wearing tonight.
I do hope that you find someone who is more suited to you than me, you have alot to give, I can't ever say that I didn't feel loved, I did, but I hope you learnt from me that you need to channel the way that you show someone better. I hope it doesn't take you to long, you deserve to be happy. Next time you tell people things like the idea of marrying, or living with someone doesn't scare you, why don't you take that big leap and prove it, I'm glad you didn't with me, it would have made things harder. You need to make a move to move out of caths spare bedroom when you next find someone, no matter how much I loved you, I couldn'tve coped with that much longer, it was like a prison. And remember, don't ever buy a girl a ring until that ring hold that resonance, you said many times that you wanted to buy me a ring, and I always asked you to never buy one. I have an intelligent head on my shoulders, a fair few ladies I know feel the same. Bless you, you can be niave at times.
Anyway, enough rambling on........enjoy amsterdam, and enjoy your life, and I hope one day we can be friends.
Emer
and btw, I send my wishes for your folks, I know its hard, but chin up, and I hope everything works out
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