Wednesday 31 August 2011
smile, because......I want to see...
the most beautiful smile you own is the one that reaches your eyes, it's just gorgeous
Wednesday 24 August 2011
Day 41 - Whatever tickles your fancy
Well....it's fortunate that there is no set subject for todays blog as I just want to have a right good rant.....I am pretty narked, it doesn't happen very often, I'm probably being overly dramatic, or overly something else that my annoyed brain can't think of right now, but I have to say I am quite annoyed.
Why I was so chuffed to be back speaking to "bud" the other week is beyond me, she's more hassle than it's worth. Chatting was great until she decides, oo I think I'll have a party on the 17th of sept, a pre wedding party and maybe tattooing. Nice idea, but I am going to the burlesque show, this has been decided since june, so I said I was dreadfully sorry, but I couldn't make it, and neither would Ria and Dave, but she would be welcome, with Chris, to join us, as there would be a whole bunch of us going, more the merrier and all that.
I knew, just knew as soon as I hit the send button that she would be narked, and I was sooo right. I get
'well if everyones gonna be going to burlesque, I'll just cancel, theres no point'.
NO thanks for the invite, which would have been polite....AND, we aren't her only friends, the fact that she never bloody speaks to us is proof of that, she's not a total hermit, can't she invite other friends?? And, her flipping facebook statuses do my nut in, all this 'I know who my real friends are, I know to never let someone get close to me apart from family, all the people I ever trusted let me down' crap. I can't be doing with it. Bloody attention seeking child. I used to be there for her, I used to sit up all night with her and comfort her, even when I thought she was in the wrong, and do everything that a best friend does. I'm not even invited to her wedding. So stuff her, she can go play 'woe is me' with more tolerable people, my patience with her has finally been extinguished, its been over two years coming, I'm finally done. I'm not being blamed for your relationship problems anymore, not being held responsible for you loosing touch with everyone, and not interested in whether you have been crying over something I have no control over. At one time I'dve done all that gladly because that's what I did. I don't have the energy to do it for you anymore, I need to be at least acknowledged if not appreciated.
That is all
I will prob delete this in a few days when I read it and decide what an idiot I sound, but I need to vent.
I wish it was at least a good vent.....
oh, and I almost forgot, you can't fooking spell, does my head in
Why I was so chuffed to be back speaking to "bud" the other week is beyond me, she's more hassle than it's worth. Chatting was great until she decides, oo I think I'll have a party on the 17th of sept, a pre wedding party and maybe tattooing. Nice idea, but I am going to the burlesque show, this has been decided since june, so I said I was dreadfully sorry, but I couldn't make it, and neither would Ria and Dave, but she would be welcome, with Chris, to join us, as there would be a whole bunch of us going, more the merrier and all that.
I knew, just knew as soon as I hit the send button that she would be narked, and I was sooo right. I get
'well if everyones gonna be going to burlesque, I'll just cancel, theres no point'.
NO thanks for the invite, which would have been polite....AND, we aren't her only friends, the fact that she never bloody speaks to us is proof of that, she's not a total hermit, can't she invite other friends?? And, her flipping facebook statuses do my nut in, all this 'I know who my real friends are, I know to never let someone get close to me apart from family, all the people I ever trusted let me down' crap. I can't be doing with it. Bloody attention seeking child. I used to be there for her, I used to sit up all night with her and comfort her, even when I thought she was in the wrong, and do everything that a best friend does. I'm not even invited to her wedding. So stuff her, she can go play 'woe is me' with more tolerable people, my patience with her has finally been extinguished, its been over two years coming, I'm finally done. I'm not being blamed for your relationship problems anymore, not being held responsible for you loosing touch with everyone, and not interested in whether you have been crying over something I have no control over. At one time I'dve done all that gladly because that's what I did. I don't have the energy to do it for you anymore, I need to be at least acknowledged if not appreciated.
That is all
I will prob delete this in a few days when I read it and decide what an idiot I sound, but I need to vent.
I wish it was at least a good vent.....
oh, and I almost forgot, you can't fooking spell, does my head in
Thursday 18 August 2011
Day 40 - A letter to someone deceased person you wish you could talk to
Hello Nana,
My god do I miss you.
Even though I have been in your house so many times since you have passed I still can't believe you have gone, I can just imagine that you are sat on the computer all quiet playing a game while we chat in the lounge, like we did. I know life moves on, but its heartbreaking for me watching your house change, that house was built for you, it pretty much grew around you, the whole family grew around you. It's different now...
Sometimes I can see that almost laugh expression that you made, and my stomach lurches and I feel sick, I will never see that again, it still reduces me to tears. It's funny how that is the main way I remember you, I guess it's a cheerful memory, it was always an expression you pulled when you had said some something cheeky, it was great, I think I have even started to mimic you, I catch myself doing it every now and then.
I don't believe in God, or heaven, or any kind of afterlife, but I like to think that you could see us, at least in the weeks just after you passed, sitting round the coffin telling stories, just like we did with grandad. You looked so peaceful, but so small, so so small. At least we filled your coffin with lots of things, I can imagine you were heavy to carry on the day, not because of you, but because of everything we sent you away with. Even a little bit of me went with you, and mum, so a little bit of us will be with you always. I have my little bit of you with me, I keep it safe, I always will. I have one of your pinnys by the way, and one of your dresses, I will wear it one day, I just wish you could see me in it, and I hope I do it justice.
Jasper is doing fine, he lives with Steven now, we decided it was best, as there he would get the most love and attention, he even has a rabbit to play with. Graham wanted to take him, but sat in the shop all day would be no life for him, and at the time mum just didn't think she could give him the attention he deserved. She has her own dog now, Jackson, he's a jackadoodle, cute as anything, stupid bundle of bumbling curly fur. Oh and she's having to have a hysterectomy by the way, I'm not sure whether you knew, I think she hid her problems once we knew you had cancer.
I feel like theres so much I need to tell you, you've only been gone since march, I have graduated, not greatly, but with honours. I have a job, and a new boyfriend (one that doesn't faff, you'd like him much more I'm sure). I keep myself fit, and my nails clean, I take so much more pride in myself lately. I've done a ton more drawings that I can't show you, and a bunch of fab things at the zoo.
Mainly I just want to tell you I love you, It was the last thing I ever said to you before you died, I know you knew I was there, you saw me for a brief moment, I burst into tears on my way out your room, as I knew that was the last time I'd see you alive, my words broke as I said them, but I know you heard me. I do love you Nana, a massive hole has been left in the family now. I wish you were here. I know life goes on, but it will never be the same.
Emer
xxxxxxxx
My god do I miss you.
Even though I have been in your house so many times since you have passed I still can't believe you have gone, I can just imagine that you are sat on the computer all quiet playing a game while we chat in the lounge, like we did. I know life moves on, but its heartbreaking for me watching your house change, that house was built for you, it pretty much grew around you, the whole family grew around you. It's different now...
Sometimes I can see that almost laugh expression that you made, and my stomach lurches and I feel sick, I will never see that again, it still reduces me to tears. It's funny how that is the main way I remember you, I guess it's a cheerful memory, it was always an expression you pulled when you had said some something cheeky, it was great, I think I have even started to mimic you, I catch myself doing it every now and then.
I don't believe in God, or heaven, or any kind of afterlife, but I like to think that you could see us, at least in the weeks just after you passed, sitting round the coffin telling stories, just like we did with grandad. You looked so peaceful, but so small, so so small. At least we filled your coffin with lots of things, I can imagine you were heavy to carry on the day, not because of you, but because of everything we sent you away with. Even a little bit of me went with you, and mum, so a little bit of us will be with you always. I have my little bit of you with me, I keep it safe, I always will. I have one of your pinnys by the way, and one of your dresses, I will wear it one day, I just wish you could see me in it, and I hope I do it justice.
Jasper is doing fine, he lives with Steven now, we decided it was best, as there he would get the most love and attention, he even has a rabbit to play with. Graham wanted to take him, but sat in the shop all day would be no life for him, and at the time mum just didn't think she could give him the attention he deserved. She has her own dog now, Jackson, he's a jackadoodle, cute as anything, stupid bundle of bumbling curly fur. Oh and she's having to have a hysterectomy by the way, I'm not sure whether you knew, I think she hid her problems once we knew you had cancer.
I feel like theres so much I need to tell you, you've only been gone since march, I have graduated, not greatly, but with honours. I have a job, and a new boyfriend (one that doesn't faff, you'd like him much more I'm sure). I keep myself fit, and my nails clean, I take so much more pride in myself lately. I've done a ton more drawings that I can't show you, and a bunch of fab things at the zoo.
Mainly I just want to tell you I love you, It was the last thing I ever said to you before you died, I know you knew I was there, you saw me for a brief moment, I burst into tears on my way out your room, as I knew that was the last time I'd see you alive, my words broke as I said them, but I know you heard me. I do love you Nana, a massive hole has been left in the family now. I wish you were here. I know life goes on, but it will never be the same.
Emer
xxxxxxxx
Wednesday 17 August 2011
today.....
I figured something.....I don't think I have ever been both this confident and this happy in my life. I have a fab man, fab friends and family, fab jobs, a fab figure(if I do say so myself), fab hair, and fab clothes. Everything isn't perfect, things are hard, I get crap money, but despite that it's bloody darn good. I hope things stay this way for a long time. It's not often I can remember being truly happy.
Monday 15 August 2011
Sunday 14 August 2011
Day 39: zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality
I'm a sagittarian, the archer, and is commonly depicted as a centaur with a bow and arrow.
Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humoured
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical
Thats what it says for a typical sagittarian. That is me to a t really. However it says on the bad side:
Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless
I think I do possess some of these qualities, I dont think I'm particularly tactless, irresponsible or superficial though really. Reading through here what it says about how I should be according to my starsign, I agree on alot of aspects, although, I am not at all religious, in regards to me, that part is tosh.
Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humoured
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical
Thats what it says for a typical sagittarian. That is me to a t really. However it says on the bad side:
Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless
I think I do possess some of these qualities, I dont think I'm particularly tactless, irresponsible or superficial though really. Reading through here what it says about how I should be according to my starsign, I agree on alot of aspects, although, I am not at all religious, in regards to me, that part is tosh.
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Bucket List
This won't be complete now, I will probably add to it as I think of them......
1. Fall hopelessly in love
2. Swim with sharks
3. Hold a spider (a big hairy one)
4. Learn to drive
5. Own a classic car
6. Parachute jump
7. Bungee jump
8. Go somewhere naked
9. Go on holiday with no luggage
10. Get something I have written published
11. Perform/dance on a stage
12. Jump off a cliff/ cliff dive
13. Own a house
14. Dance in the rain...with someone I love
15. Sleep under the stars
16. Experience the rainforest
17. Go on safari
18. Ride a camel
19. Run into the sea on a cold day, naked (somewhere nice)
20. Make love in the rain
21. Change someones life
22. Water ski
23. Go deep sea diving
24. Go rock climbing
25. Milk a cow
26. Go bareback horse riding, along the beach
27. See a tornado
28. Experience an earthquake
29. Climb a huge tree
30. Surf
31. Go on holiday with someone I love
32. Walk(strut) down a catwalk
33. Drive in an open top car fast down a highway in america
34. Just drop everything and go on holiday that day
35. Send a love letter
36. Ride an elephant
37. Drive off road at night
38. Learn another language
39. Go to a festival
40. Climb a mountain
41. Gamble in a casino
42. See niagara falls
43. Ride a gondola in venice
44. Eat snails in france
45. Eat lobster
46. Hunt my own food
48. Participate in another county's festival
49. Fly a plane
50. Fly in a helicopter
51. Get lost in foreign country
52. Have champaigne for breakfast
53. Learn a musical instrument
54. Go into a wedding dress shop, try on loads of dresses, then tell the assistant I'm not getting married
55. Learn to bake bread
1. Fall hopelessly in love
2. Swim with sharks
3. Hold a spider (a big hairy one)
4. Learn to drive
5. Own a classic car
6. Parachute jump
7. Bungee jump
8. Go somewhere naked
9. Go on holiday with no luggage
10. Get something I have written published
11. Perform/dance on a stage
12. Jump off a cliff/ cliff dive
13. Own a house
14. Dance in the rain...with someone I love
15. Sleep under the stars
16. Experience the rainforest
17. Go on safari
18. Ride a camel
19. Run into the sea on a cold day, naked (somewhere nice)
20. Make love in the rain
21. Change someones life
22. Water ski
23. Go deep sea diving
24. Go rock climbing
25. Milk a cow
26. Go bareback horse riding, along the beach
27. See a tornado
28. Experience an earthquake
29. Climb a huge tree
30. Surf
31. Go on holiday with someone I love
32. Walk(strut) down a catwalk
33. Drive in an open top car fast down a highway in america
34. Just drop everything and go on holiday that day
35. Send a love letter
36. Ride an elephant
37. Drive off road at night
38. Learn another language
39. Go to a festival
40. Climb a mountain
41. Gamble in a casino
42. See niagara falls
43. Ride a gondola in venice
44. Eat snails in france
45. Eat lobster
46. Hunt my own food
48. Participate in another county's festival
49. Fly a plane
50. Fly in a helicopter
51. Get lost in foreign country
52. Have champaigne for breakfast
53. Learn a musical instrument
54. Go into a wedding dress shop, try on loads of dresses, then tell the assistant I'm not getting married
55. Learn to bake bread
Tuesday 9 August 2011
daily ramblings
It's great to be speaking to my bud again, its been a while, I'm hoping we can put the whatever, whenever, however behind us and just be mates again. It will always bug me not knowing, but life moves on, and I'd rather be friends than bear a grudge.
Today has been a hectic day, but mustnt grumble, I have a job, some wonderful people in my life, feeling good about myself and a roof over my head, so all the days trials are really nothing important in the grand scheme of things. Although, I have two paper stiches on my left arm that are a) ugly and b) stuck on really frigging well, and I don't wanna pull them off. I'm such a wet at times, I know this.
I'm having another curly hair day and I love it, feel like marilyn monroe, haha, but she had a much better figure, and probably dress sense.
oooo, I need to text Misty Moo, I have just ignored her texts today, how incredibly rude of me. best get to it.
Mucho love till tomorrow xx
Monday 8 August 2011
Day 38 - A photo of your parents
So now that that's done, I will digress. My arm kills, I thought I was ok, but the anaesthetic is wearing off, and good grief does it sting. I had my implanon taken out today, which is a two inch long piece of plastic implated under the skin that stops you having babies. I am a big wuss at times and have just lived with having it since I was about 16 because I was too scared of having it removed. Well I had to have a big injection done at the gum clinic today so thought I may aswel get them to take it out. I now have an achy bum cheek and a big bandage on my arm. Seems really wierd that when I take it off that the plastic thing will be gone, I used to mess with it all the time. Oh and I have to go for my first ever smear this week, not looking forward to it, oh the joys of being a woman. I feel like I have been super busy today, I nipped to matalan and bought some new underwears, nipped to steals to get some cheap tops for work, as I own barely any black stuff. My wardrobe used to consist of everything black, now I am much slimmer, its all about colour. And then spent an age in the gum clinic, I even had to do a wee in cup, to check for chlamydia, I had to go to the loo twice, apparantly weeing in a cup makes me nervous, so I couldn't go, ha. ooooooooo and I almost forgot, I sent an email off to Laderma saying that I will take their app on the 8th of nov if still available. I am SOOO excited, I know I'm never going to have an attractive stomach, but I know it will be better than the horrible sight it is now, and hell, if my scar gets me down, I'll just get a lovely tattoo over it in two years. Woo
Sunday 7 August 2011
Day 37 - A song that you like to dance to
well.....I started writing this blog on friday night, its now sunday afternoon, thats what two big glasses of wine and cranberry does to a girl, super easily lose my concentration. And I have been super busy, now I am working I seem to have no time, get up at 7:30 everyday ready for the hours walk to work, last night I had 5 minutes to myself before I had to get ready to go out, was a brill night though.
I've had a fab email today, I finally heard back from Laderma, where I have decided to have my op. They have advised that nothing should be done about my other niggle, disappointing, but have given me a quote for my tummy tuck, its gonna cost about 3500 euros all in (tuck, lipo, acc, tests and flights), thats fine woth me. I'm seriously considering booking it for the mid nov, (all ops are tuesdays). It would mean I would be out of action for my birthday, but all being well, it would be the best birthday present ever. I'm all of a sudden nervous as hell, I have been considering this for ages, but this is the furthest I have been, I have always just shrugged it off, I'm definately going for it this time. I'm going to double and triple check that prague is where I want to go, and then hopefully put my deposit down by the end of the week. wow, exciting.
To answer the question, I have many depending on what type of dance I am doing, my fave burlesque tracks to dance to, in terms of what I have been practicing routines for (I intend to audition next year) are:
because it's just really sexy, and really my style, I'm not cutesy at all, I like sultry and powerful, this is it. And for just fun, because its got a great beat to bump and wiggle to
For salsa I do like this, it has a nice beat, it's not too slow, you put some nice style in this one. I need to salsa more, once a week isn't enough
I do like to dance around to anything silly, on my bed in my underwear, its the most fun any girl can have in their bedroom on their own. Songs like Maroon 5- Sunday Morning, Christina - Somethings got a hold on me, lots and lots of cheese, pop, crap feel good music. Love it.
I've had a fab email today, I finally heard back from Laderma, where I have decided to have my op. They have advised that nothing should be done about my other niggle, disappointing, but have given me a quote for my tummy tuck, its gonna cost about 3500 euros all in (tuck, lipo, acc, tests and flights), thats fine woth me. I'm seriously considering booking it for the mid nov, (all ops are tuesdays). It would mean I would be out of action for my birthday, but all being well, it would be the best birthday present ever. I'm all of a sudden nervous as hell, I have been considering this for ages, but this is the furthest I have been, I have always just shrugged it off, I'm definately going for it this time. I'm going to double and triple check that prague is where I want to go, and then hopefully put my deposit down by the end of the week. wow, exciting.
To answer the question, I have many depending on what type of dance I am doing, my fave burlesque tracks to dance to, in terms of what I have been practicing routines for (I intend to audition next year) are:
because it's just really sexy, and really my style, I'm not cutesy at all, I like sultry and powerful, this is it. And for just fun, because its got a great beat to bump and wiggle to
For salsa I do like this, it has a nice beat, it's not too slow, you put some nice style in this one. I need to salsa more, once a week isn't enough
I do like to dance around to anything silly, on my bed in my underwear, its the most fun any girl can have in their bedroom on their own. Songs like Maroon 5- Sunday Morning, Christina - Somethings got a hold on me, lots and lots of cheese, pop, crap feel good music. Love it.
Thursday 4 August 2011
Day 36 - some hobbies of yours
Hmm, I like to draw, that has already been discussed. I love to dance, I always have, I've done lots of different types, ballet, tap, line, I'm currently into burlesque, which is way sexy for me, can't say I do it particularly well, but it's a great confidence booster. I also do salsa, which I have done this evening actually. Was lots of fun tonight, got the routine pretty well, got dragged onto the floor by Martin to some wierd one two one two step, which was fun. Then we did bachata, but its wierdly pronounced, like with an m, wierd, but you have to dance really close to your partner. I'm not really comfortable with people getting inside my bubble like that, I'm not sure why, as I quite happily go get in everybody else's.
I like to read, somedays I could just sit and get lost in a book for a whole day, I'll be mortified if they ever make films of my favourite books, that would ruin them for me, I have my own ideas of what everything in them looks, sounds and smells like, I don't need someone else to tell me.
Oh, and of course, I love to shop, if I had a job that involved shopping, that would be perfect, or even just try clothes on I'd do that day in day out and never ever get bored. I love shopping so much I did something yesterday that I have never ever done before, I bought a bag that matched my shoes, not like, I bought a bag in red coz my shoes are red, I mean, I bought a pair of purple and green Irregular Choice shoes, and bought a perfectly matching purple and green Irregular Choice.....wait for it, clutch! I think I have a problem......
I like to read, somedays I could just sit and get lost in a book for a whole day, I'll be mortified if they ever make films of my favourite books, that would ruin them for me, I have my own ideas of what everything in them looks, sounds and smells like, I don't need someone else to tell me.
Oh, and of course, I love to shop, if I had a job that involved shopping, that would be perfect, or even just try clothes on I'd do that day in day out and never ever get bored. I love shopping so much I did something yesterday that I have never ever done before, I bought a bag that matched my shoes, not like, I bought a bag in red coz my shoes are red, I mean, I bought a pair of purple and green Irregular Choice shoes, and bought a perfectly matching purple and green Irregular Choice.....wait for it, clutch! I think I have a problem......
Day 35 - A letter to your ex
Hmmm, who should I write this to, I've already written to one in an earlier post, I have something I would like to say to most of them really, like I'd like ask Andy why he neglected to let me know that he had no intention of returning from New Zealand and why he just stopped emailing me back. I'd like to know who the hell the other Andy thinks he was not only doing all the other evil things mentioned in the previous post, but also cheating on me and leaving me with a massive debt, and I'd like to know why Kyle is still pumping himself full of drugs which are no doubt gonna kill him sooner or later. But anyway, because of today, I think I'd really like to write to Darryll. So....
Dear Darryll
It was actually good chatting to you today, I appreciated that you came round and didn't start just putting me down, or making me feel bad like you did so many times in the last few months. I am sorry that I have moved on faster than you, not because I'm not happy, because I am, but I just don't want you to think that I didn't consider you to be important to me, you took two years of my life, I will always care for you, and you will always be important in some way, and I saw your eyes when we spoke, I know you still have feelings for me, if not still love me. I hold no bitterness anymore, I know you regret what you did, as do I, for as much as I knew I wasn't happy anymore, I shouldn'tve handled it the way I did, but I did the only way I felt I could, and I'm sorry. I have to say though, I never lied to you, even if I didn't tell you everything. I know you noticed that I stopped saying 'I love you'. That's because I stopped meaning it, I couldn't say it just to try and make things easy, that would have been unfair on both of us, I hated myself everytime you said it and I simply answered with 'I know', or 'yes'. Nothing you ever did could hurt me more than that. But at least I was true to myself.
You looked good, you had obviously made more of an effort that I think I had ever seen in the time together, I could tell you were taking better care of yourself, and I don't know whether it was for my benefit or not, but I could tell you'd made more of an effort in what you wearing tonight.
I do hope that you find someone who is more suited to you than me, you have alot to give, I can't ever say that I didn't feel loved, I did, but I hope you learnt from me that you need to channel the way that you show someone better. I hope it doesn't take you to long, you deserve to be happy. Next time you tell people things like the idea of marrying, or living with someone doesn't scare you, why don't you take that big leap and prove it, I'm glad you didn't with me, it would have made things harder. You need to make a move to move out of caths spare bedroom when you next find someone, no matter how much I loved you, I couldn'tve coped with that much longer, it was like a prison. And remember, don't ever buy a girl a ring until that ring hold that resonance, you said many times that you wanted to buy me a ring, and I always asked you to never buy one. I have an intelligent head on my shoulders, a fair few ladies I know feel the same. Bless you, you can be niave at times.
Anyway, enough rambling on........enjoy amsterdam, and enjoy your life, and I hope one day we can be friends.
Emer
and btw, I send my wishes for your folks, I know its hard, but chin up, and I hope everything works out
Dear Darryll
It was actually good chatting to you today, I appreciated that you came round and didn't start just putting me down, or making me feel bad like you did so many times in the last few months. I am sorry that I have moved on faster than you, not because I'm not happy, because I am, but I just don't want you to think that I didn't consider you to be important to me, you took two years of my life, I will always care for you, and you will always be important in some way, and I saw your eyes when we spoke, I know you still have feelings for me, if not still love me. I hold no bitterness anymore, I know you regret what you did, as do I, for as much as I knew I wasn't happy anymore, I shouldn'tve handled it the way I did, but I did the only way I felt I could, and I'm sorry. I have to say though, I never lied to you, even if I didn't tell you everything. I know you noticed that I stopped saying 'I love you'. That's because I stopped meaning it, I couldn't say it just to try and make things easy, that would have been unfair on both of us, I hated myself everytime you said it and I simply answered with 'I know', or 'yes'. Nothing you ever did could hurt me more than that. But at least I was true to myself.
You looked good, you had obviously made more of an effort that I think I had ever seen in the time together, I could tell you were taking better care of yourself, and I don't know whether it was for my benefit or not, but I could tell you'd made more of an effort in what you wearing tonight.
I do hope that you find someone who is more suited to you than me, you have alot to give, I can't ever say that I didn't feel loved, I did, but I hope you learnt from me that you need to channel the way that you show someone better. I hope it doesn't take you to long, you deserve to be happy. Next time you tell people things like the idea of marrying, or living with someone doesn't scare you, why don't you take that big leap and prove it, I'm glad you didn't with me, it would have made things harder. You need to make a move to move out of caths spare bedroom when you next find someone, no matter how much I loved you, I couldn'tve coped with that much longer, it was like a prison. And remember, don't ever buy a girl a ring until that ring hold that resonance, you said many times that you wanted to buy me a ring, and I always asked you to never buy one. I have an intelligent head on my shoulders, a fair few ladies I know feel the same. Bless you, you can be niave at times.
Anyway, enough rambling on........enjoy amsterdam, and enjoy your life, and I hope one day we can be friends.
Emer
and btw, I send my wishes for your folks, I know its hard, but chin up, and I hope everything works out
Tuesday 2 August 2011
Day 34: Your favourite quote
ooooooooo, this is a hard-y, I am the quote queen. I love quotes, I make posters with them, I advertise with them, live by them, and use them, often. My favourite is this
'it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live'
its by Dumbledore in the Philosopher's Stone. It's a good one, it doesn't do anyone good to ponder or think to much and not just do things, wasting precious time. I've been doing that way too much of late,I hate myself for it.
I have loads more in the quote bin that is my brain
'the only difference between tattooed people and non tattooed people is, that tattooed people don't care that you have no tattoos'
'risk everything, fear nothing'
and I don't care what anyone says, I do stand by this from Marilyn Monroe
'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure....I make mistakes. I am out of control..and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best'
Because to me it means, that I'm not always going to be perfect and happy, I know myself to be sometimes selfish, I do make mistakes, I don't trust anyone, I put up walls, I cry, I hide and deny things exist, including me, I am insecure, I can be demanding, I sometimes do or say the wrong thing, or do or say nothing when I should have done something, but if someone cant take the worst of me, then they really don't deserve the best of me, I come as a package, rough with the smooth, I'll take all your faults if you'll take mine, but I'm sure as hell that I more than make up suffering me at my worst, by being my best the rest of the time.
and because I just like to right about stuff, I've had quite an ok day today, first day on the new job wasn't so bad, the people were nice enough, the horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach ebbed away abit, and I came out looking hotter than I went in if I do say so myself :) got a few wolf whistles on my way home, ha.
'it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live'
its by Dumbledore in the Philosopher's Stone. It's a good one, it doesn't do anyone good to ponder or think to much and not just do things, wasting precious time. I've been doing that way too much of late,I hate myself for it.
I have loads more in the quote bin that is my brain
'the only difference between tattooed people and non tattooed people is, that tattooed people don't care that you have no tattoos'
'risk everything, fear nothing'
'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure....I make mistakes. I am out of control..and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best'
Because to me it means, that I'm not always going to be perfect and happy, I know myself to be sometimes selfish, I do make mistakes, I don't trust anyone, I put up walls, I cry, I hide and deny things exist, including me, I am insecure, I can be demanding, I sometimes do or say the wrong thing, or do or say nothing when I should have done something, but if someone cant take the worst of me, then they really don't deserve the best of me, I come as a package, rough with the smooth, I'll take all your faults if you'll take mine, but I'm sure as hell that I more than make up suffering me at my worst, by being my best the rest of the time.
and because I just like to right about stuff, I've had quite an ok day today, first day on the new job wasn't so bad, the people were nice enough, the horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach ebbed away abit, and I came out looking hotter than I went in if I do say so myself :) got a few wolf whistles on my way home, ha.
Monday 1 August 2011
i wish.....
I'd listened to what you said better, because each time I have to relive it, it still makes no sense
my monday....
all things considered today has been quite a nice day. I made a new friend, well, I made a better friend of an existing one. He took me out for a drink and let me offload, I needed to, and I needed perspective, and brutal honesty, it was good. I've also been and had a nosey in the salon, wow that place needs an overhaul, the stock room is a dump, the reception has a layer of dust that things could live in and the windows are bare, I love organising, its gonna take me a week or so to get into it, but it'll be running smooth as my skin (teehee) in no time at all. I'm nervous as hell, however, I know I am gonna love it. Gonna be wierd having a job thow.
I plucked up the courage to speak to dad about what I want to do, he said, its my money and I can do what I want, so contacting the clinic tonight and will get the ball rolling, maybe for october, I need to have worked in the salon a couple of months before I take 10 days off.
Oh and it absolutely bucketed it down around 7pm, I sat and listened to it for ages until it died down, and then when it got worse again, I put my shorts on and went and just stood in it, and felt the droplets run over my bare skin, it was cold, invigorating and just felt amazing. I span around on the spot a few times, then did some hula hooping, which is really hard in the rain, but being so wet and playing like that made me feel really sexy. I love the rain so much,
I love the look of my skin in the rain, I love my hair when its hanging round my face, soaking. Im sat here right now blogging in a soaking wet vest, dripping hair and droplets all over my shoulders, I feel ace....I feel fearless. I would never usually just stand in it alone, I would want to go walking in it with someone, because on my own I feel stupid, but not today.
So many simple things that have made the day good. but remember
I plucked up the courage to speak to dad about what I want to do, he said, its my money and I can do what I want, so contacting the clinic tonight and will get the ball rolling, maybe for october, I need to have worked in the salon a couple of months before I take 10 days off.
Oh and it absolutely bucketed it down around 7pm, I sat and listened to it for ages until it died down, and then when it got worse again, I put my shorts on and went and just stood in it, and felt the droplets run over my bare skin, it was cold, invigorating and just felt amazing. I span around on the spot a few times, then did some hula hooping, which is really hard in the rain, but being so wet and playing like that made me feel really sexy. I love the rain so much,
I love the look of my skin in the rain, I love my hair when its hanging round my face, soaking. Im sat here right now blogging in a soaking wet vest, dripping hair and droplets all over my shoulders, I feel ace....I feel fearless. I would never usually just stand in it alone, I would want to go walking in it with someone, because on my own I feel stupid, but not today.
So many simple things that have made the day good. but remember
Day 33 - What are you craving right now
I have to say, before I begin, I'm pretty impressed with myself for keeping this up. I know it has been in spits and spats, but I'm still going. I'm rubbish at sticking to anything, heck I started taking vitamins a couple of weeks ago as people were telling me that I will make myself ill, and even though I have them on the middle of the dining room table where I can see them millions of times a day, I still don't take them. I can be absolutely rubbish at times. I think I'll take one now, (all things considered I should take about 5, but it says one a day on the bottle, I don't mess with printed instructions). Well I'm back, I compromised and took 2.
Anyway, and to the question in hand, what am I craving right now, well I've just had a milkybar so I really do not want any food now at all. I know what I really really want though, a tummy tuck, I've been looking into it all morning, I've chosen a surgeon, now all I need to do is speak to dad about using some of my saves. Doing this would make me really happy, I know it's only skin, but I hate it so much if I thought I would live through I would hack it away myself. I'm an incredibly strong person (both physically and mentally surprisingly) but my stomach makes me weak, it ruins me, it ruins things, all I want to be is happy. Money, fame, glory, and material things are unimportant, I want nothing more than to be happy, so I just need to work up a few ounces of courage and speak to dad. I'll do it now, while I'm feeling strong, my resolve won't last all day.
Over and out, moi
Anyway, and to the question in hand, what am I craving right now, well I've just had a milkybar so I really do not want any food now at all. I know what I really really want though, a tummy tuck, I've been looking into it all morning, I've chosen a surgeon, now all I need to do is speak to dad about using some of my saves. Doing this would make me really happy, I know it's only skin, but I hate it so much if I thought I would live through I would hack it away myself. I'm an incredibly strong person (both physically and mentally surprisingly) but my stomach makes me weak, it ruins me, it ruins things, all I want to be is happy. Money, fame, glory, and material things are unimportant, I want nothing more than to be happy, so I just need to work up a few ounces of courage and speak to dad. I'll do it now, while I'm feeling strong, my resolve won't last all day.
Over and out, moi
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